Maybe things are for the best. or maybe for the worst.. im back to my emo shit state. i missed it. actually.

grabbing my hair . i try to think whr i go wrong. i nvr asked for all this in the first plce.i dunno G. help me. i feel so lost. the guilt. the pain. the bitterness. the self-consious. the worry. the fear. the hope. the dream. the emotions. the bullshit. the consequence. the plan. the destroyer. the pressure. the constant trackking. the suffocation. the delay. the pain. the ugly. the fake. the stress. the tiredness. the jealous. the rage. the temper. the thoughts choking up my mind.

Argghhhh.. urghhh.. ahhhhhhh!!!! what can i do. what shall i say. what do i want. what will he accept. What the fuck is wrg with me?!!

We are like kites, pulled too tight and close. It snap!

Big Bang – Blue MV [English subs + Romanization + Hangul] HD

Dear G,

I logged in here last night but left with nothing to type out. It’s very worrying when  i got mental block. All my feellings pumped up to one fistful emotions of nothingness. I can’t sleep thinking thgs are unresolved. Of the pressure clasping me tight.

Today is my off, spend it with the guy who would never leave and hurt me , ever. My dad. I acompany him to Nuh- for his Iodine 131 treatment. It’s a radioactive capsule that he have to take for his HyperThyroidism issue. The Nuclear medicine Division ; hopefully it works. He can’t have contact with us, have to sleep alone and flush the toilet more than once. The worry is that the radiation would spread to us. BUt hopefully it can help him, to lessen his pain of walking. He still have vascular scanning to do in march 9th. and load more appointment to attend to. Well, a  chronic disease patient 2nd home would be the Hospital/help center.

On a happier note, i’d passed my RTT: riding theory test. Someone is jealous/mad. And worst is when i don’t wait for him. am i so bad? hmm…..

Bump into my friend Nadiah. She quited her job weeks ago. Lucky girl is blessed; Started school at UniSim in Social Work course but is going for april intake of NIE. haizz… why aren’t that smart..Gosh NIE really would pay her good. Gosh, sya.. have you own a mirror lately?

im so sad. but i know he’s more sad than me. I can’t post anythg deep here. or anythg that will in return hurt anyone. This is so frustrating. arghh……im so gonna logged out of here. and focus on my room.

Justsimplycantstoptalking-Alzrythx

 

Dear G,

Dad was admitted to hosp on the 18th. Due to blood turning black while he was undergoing his dialysis treatment.Long story. Cut short, i just got back from fetching from hosp. Mum, bro n sis n me has been taking turns to visit. fetch. attend to him and buy food. coming 27th he has another appointment for his Thyroid treatment. My old man. hishhh. getting weak, he is.

Tonight open counter.. *nervous* as shit. / 25th RTT/  and my bby went outfield for two weeks. Coming back on 3rd march. / Dad on Hosp leave till 2nd march./  Cargo family having a Rendezvous, durian under the stars behind A7. lol/ He’ll received alot of msgs when he come back from outfield.

i am feeling slight feverish . . urgh. nervous wreck.

peeing in pants-alzrythx.

 

Safe and Sound – Taylor Swift (feat. The Civil Wars) (cover) Megan Nicole and Tiffany Alvord

I’m not saying relationships are bad. but its overrated.

Bruno Mars – Runaway Baby (WITH LYRICS)

MYOB.

Dear G,

My body aches all over. My backbone hurts like fuck. I have a fuckd up sleeping pattern and many have happen over past few weeks. Sorry for havnt been able to update you.was rushing here and there. here;s a brief update, not in sequence:

Passed my RTE after failing twice/ Went pants shopping with Vi/ Sheesha with Vi/ Great session with Marilyn/Some idiot call me up and have the nerve to have a little chat about that Alfie the idiot/ I don’t trust him at all/ I’m fucking serious/I don’t wish to intervene anymore/Cause i come to the point to realised that too much of a people make use of me of their own benefits/ and im never appreciated/Fukkers started to get on my nerves/ Im hot temper and people shud know why in the first place/ If they never strike me in the first place then i wouldn’t have fucking bother with their lives anyway/went check up again at Raffles hosp/ falling sick/ like i said, body aches all over/ and starting to feel feverish/hearing bad news/paying fo r internet bills/cut my stupid fringe/clingy boyfren/opening counter soon/ cargo cycle ending soon/ 27th accompanying dad to NUH/change passwoord of my workplace/ Vi’s birthday 15th/Yusra 27th/Nadiah 18th/ damn. so much feb babies. and i’m almost broke. cus i’ve set a target to save. apparently, i will still have to use it anyway/ Taste macarons/nice chewy stuff/ Planning for gym session/ n fukd up my mood/few nice songs out lately/ Can’t wait to pass 2B/ my symbol of freedom+risk+ownshitsthatiwanttodo/ im so sick n tired of hearing from ppl what i can and cannot do/ F-it!/ I have a life and it is of no use if i can live it/ I need a full body massage/ 3rd march surprise ape ntah/ 11.03.12/ 19th march/ Bought a Monster sweater/didn’t regret/Dirtbike gloves/ im sorry/ i fuckd up big time/ i need my own happiness./ so whoever gets in the way can offer advice, opinions but pls move aside after that/ i’m going through/sometimes being overly happy-mad is not the right emotions to be in while blogging./ cause we tend to overdoit over the norm/ You have your past: I have my future/ sometimes i feel stupid/for walking back to what i am suppose to be running away from/ Argh. damnit. Ifucking miss my singlehood. Whr i can do whatevr hell i want and have nothing much to worry/and i can save better/focus more on deg/bike/savings. / Sya you fk urself up/

When ppl don’t trust me, funny thing is i don’t trust them either.

Sincerely,

Alzrythx.

Some people deserve it.

Dear G,

Life these few weeks are hectic and hell. I’ll tell you why.

Been having heated arguements with my guy; Due to me enrolling to Class 2B:motorcycle. without him. I’m sorry , but my reason for doing so is because i want to be independant and earn something with my own effort. And of course i wanted to surprise you once i pass or get to the final stages. And my temper has been on and off, mostly i am in an angry mode. Like as though i was born from Fire.

Simplest conversation can flared up and my tone will rise and things will start flying from my hand. I have becoming worse. And yes, its the moodswing/ PMS.

The last straw involves a friend of mine. Sunday, she rang me up. telling me the problem of her relationship. About her bf dad and $$ and black magic.  Best was, she ask me out to check up on him for the last time. So i followed her, to the cinema. Apparently she booked movie tixs. JACK and Jill. ( its the second time im watching it) and our seats are right behind these two idiots; her ex and a girl.

My heart was pounding and beating as fast as it could. and i was clutching, gripping her palm in mine. as tighht as i could. I would never have felt what she’s feeling  but at the moment , seeing him with another, i have the strong urge to splash the Ice lemon tea cup / popcorn pack. But i kept my cool and sit back, called out his name to confirm if it was him. And it is Him. As sson as i ask him, pointing to my friend beside me” remember her?”. I could hear him saying ‘alamak’ softly under his breath. So i let him sit and watch the movie with his ‘friend’. Sit through the agony. My Bestfren beside me was looking at me, telling me she can’t bear to sit throughout the movie watching him and his friend. but i calm her down and assure her.

Leaving the cinema, we try to catch up with him and i try asking him.. if i could have a min to talk. His excuse, he’s late to meet his dad. Fucker! Late to meet your dad, but free to go out with a Bitch!. What an ASS!..So i pull him aside, even in the middle of the mall. I asked him questions and shit. But everything just blast out , and i grabbed him by the collar and shouted at him. I don’t know where it came from and it felt stupid after doing that, but you what? I didn’t regret. i was wishing i do more. I don’t want to sound off as a gangster now. But Some people deserve it.

After arguing my my bestie, he walks off while looking and me and pointing , saying: I WON’T RESPECT YOU!. That fukker won’t even look at my friend face. Nabeyy.. and he rush off. Scaredy basket. And so we talk to the Girl, appearently she likes my freind ex- and have known him for 3 years. Cibai. horny slut already have a boyfriend. She gave us her number when we asked for it. We called for a few times, never pick up.At last, a guy answered. It was her ex-boyfriend who picked up.

7 years of relationship with my bestfriend. and you end it just like that. after being psycho form your dad. You cut off the telephone line, leaving somebody helpless and confused. You closed the shop without disscussion. You order your 84th montshsary cake and already paid half price. You fucking leave behind a family who care f oryou so much! Seriously Dude!, you got some nerves. They provide you with shelter, food and love. Spent time with you and are close like brothers to them. You Cibai treat them like shit. Who the hell you think you are? You are not fucking handsome that girls chase after you. I tell you now, YOU WON’T FIND ANY OTHER GIRL WHO WOULD TREAT YOU THE SAME WAY MY BESTFRIEND TREATS YOU. you ill-brat! Bringing up without a mum doesn’t mean you don’t have a brain to think. And it’s not an excuse to treat your girlfriend that way. And even if you are under the influenced of a black magic or whtevershit, you have a brain to use. to think who is more worthy. Just admit it ,you horny dumfuck!  You had broken my bestfriend heart million times before for going out with other girls. then seriously, you should have let her go and not used her. My devils start to explode from me and i told my friend; You choose the wrong person to accompany you babe.

To be cont’…