Boyce Avenue – More Things To Say

the last message.

The last message from him that i keep on reading:

I wish this can help you out. think with an open heart, if i m kind of a jerk, i wud have leave u after the first or the 2nd. but i didn’t. i was not the one who ask you to ____. we discuss it together about  ______. im staying cus i love you and my c____.i want to make this relationship happen till marriage. i dun ask for perfection. nvr did i. i want ur child for good. what more i need to prove my love for you is real. nw i feel like i lost the women i love. i just want her to know shes the reason why i live.

Big Bang – Blue MV [English subs + Romanization + Hangul] HD

Gio – Bila Cinta (lirik)

Hafiz – Ombak Rindu With Lyric

cheee…

Dear G,

I need to iron my uniform now actually, but i was spending nonsense time painting that wall clock with glow in the dark paint..haizz. anyhow.. this morning was so fucking piss with my brother. Rushing me to transfer over another 30 bucks.

Here’s msg we exchange:

Me:How much is the full amount of interenet bill..? alamak..

me: ltr uh.. alamak.. sbr lah. nak kena turun lagi. asal 177.nabey. mahal pe interent? tak bayar pe last month?

me: dah transfer. tis will be the 1st and last tym. 60 buck for me to pay for interent is too much.. fucking srs or whut sia..

Me: U say the plan is 60+ for a month pe!

Me : dun delay lah shit..

 in betwn of thats msgs are his replies..

Bro: Aisyah. help me transfer another 30 now. pleasee. pleasseee/ need to use la/ 177/ ok what. i pay 120, you pay 50./fair what../what time?../well who’s the one on the com all the time.. Freak you only have to pay only for 50 ( i paid $60) for three months. If you can’t compromise nin the future. i suggest you dun use the internet la. am i been fair here? i pay like the last last month? and you didn’t. Have i ever complain? Please double checkon that. Now you are working right?Im only asking you for a freaking 50 for three months. whereby i have to pay 150++plus plus for 3 month?/If you say you are working? im also workin what? y? now cannot give and take? please eh!/this is fucking serious right..if not just terminate the internet la. or better still I don’t let you use in the future?..but you think i as your brother would dothat? no right../3 months hold?/thats equivalent to 200 plus for 3 months? and you pay only 50 for 3 months. and i pay the rest../ohh easy for you say.. because you always at home playing it yeah, and i’m not begging know. im asking for help. delaying or not is my own issuewhat.. last month gaji sanut what..

 

Hmmm. as you can see.. a guy ego can be strike so easily.. like for an instance my brother. yes, i’m sorry i overlook that he didn’t got last month pay from that stupid company that hold on to his pay.. but what shit siiaa..he kip on emphasizing on me paying less.. ($50). like hello??? it is shits like this that makes me feel pissed off. Now i dun even feel like using this fucking computer. fuck..cheebs… sorry all explicit word all come out.

i can talk about other thgs if i want to. such as me contributing to parents. not trying to sound like a big cock. but he also have to.. If he want to save for some shits like his own wedding/car/house/study then just fucking say it. I also want to fucking save for my own use sia.. and still im put a side the first portion to mum n dad. nabeyyyyyyyyyyyy…. i feel so shitty fuckd up. sial uh.. i only ask one thg and he talk crap like grandmother story..  urghh.. now i feel ever so rude and wild. nonsense sia everybody.. i know how to think okay. you can fucking talk to me like an adult.

 

Like just the other night. dad wants to talk. ok. fine talk.. im listening.. at time when i want to sleep then talk.. just cause waiting for brother to come back. so listen n discuss as a family. cheeb then i kena fuckd. mum seems like want to sleep to. then dad takes things to heart and say …bla..bla..bla… of course la angkat kaki.. i want to go in my room and fucking sleep. then he tambah that my face not interested.. the long sullen face, when i reached home.. nvr look him in the eye/face or whatever nonsense. and i nvr want to sacrifice.. chibaii… urgh. everytg i do is not fucking right, what the hell does everyone wants??

You want me to work. i did. you want money, i gave.. you want to transfer, fine, i will. you wnat me to be early home.. i try. but fact i dun want to. What else??? YOu want me to sembahyang..depend on individual.. i dun sembahyang cus you ask me to. It s because im willingly open my heart and sincere enuff  to do it. I;m a fucked nonsense daughter anywya.. im not capable to have held responsible of everythg right??…. ppl think im such a rebel.. then fine i’ll be one.

2012. you fucking attitude uh this year… and my hearts is challenged by everytg.

frustrated,

Alzrythx

Fucking longest post ever.

It hurts me, knowing what i’ve done, and that the pain is in me all the time.

hey. lets recap:

Dear G,

3oth Friday: Graduation day.2 months of training/mambo no.5/bona mana/montage/pledge/recitation/posting/certificate/ranks/greenday-time of your life/ guitarist/ validation test/screw up/ mitg gf/i slept throughout when reachd home. bf didn’t msg cus left hp at friend’s house/he ask me to accompany to collect at fren house/ate burger ramlee+++ at pasar malam/walk all the way back to mall/ express my feelings of digress/what i bottled up/ end up fighting/ defending his sister/ didn’t speak throughout/fucking fibe with it/ cause in the end i left him/ sorry/ i have to/ i give all  my fucking feelings, effort and wholeload of stamina n strenth inside my heart to entertain load of crap/ so yea. i walk off with msging him/ end up at night he msgging me/ saying he can’t sleep and all/ not my fucking problem/thx. Me slpt at 3/4am

31st.Saturday: Early morning/ head to Raffles.hosp/ medical chkup/ he accompany/ *&^%&$^@!$ nvm when everythg is settle and done with.. then you magically appear… moving on. ate prata for breakfast/ had him playing the drums for awhile at jamming spot/we were actually having a hard time-argueing over who has any plans today/ well aparently its the eve of my fucking birthday, so who the heck suppose to plan? not my fucking prob aite / shopping/ couple shirt+shoe/ hot /perspiring/pack/crowded/fucking frustrated/ Flash/went back/tired/ waited up till that 0000hrs/ fukking sleepy/ wanted to die sleepy feeling happy/ thx for the wishes jughead/but i just wanna grab the pillow over my head/ blanket covering me/ it turn to the moment of being my birthday/me turning older , ok so lets just fuck it and move on/ i hate celebration/ make it worth remembering by/ if not lets just go. One year older. fucked

1st sunday : Gardenvista/ blue jan babies/green guests/ steaks/lamb chops/bbq/fake eylashes/i didn’t manage to taste my own fucking birthday cake. / hur -_- thx uh people/ taking pic with it doesn’t mean i tasted it /Crumpler/ :} / HardRock/ Raggae/ Pure Caramel/ 3am/home

2nd.Monday: Tropical Spring/ Bbq/ Falsh in High cut shoe/ Sick/ cough/headache/ foot/ backbone pain/ Foods/ glorious food/ Truth and Dare/ urgh/ tempted/hugs!/ smiling/ Nightsky/ swimming poolside chairs/ taxi/ fucked burned/money.

3rd.tuesday: Last day/ together/ Wits/ bla/bla/bla/ pictures/ polaroid/ tears/ joy/ separation/ sadness/ touched/ huggs/ Bonding/ closer/ :{ / smurfyyyy

4th Jan Wednesday : TCP/ Vi, Hafiz Amin, Aishah n Zakaria/admin stuff/ lvl 2./ Level 4 Departure/Charlie’s angels/ Lockr/ horror/ pictures upload/ missed/ darn/ hate the feeling/ nervous shit/ system breakdown in tummy /hmm…. this loneliness will be the death of me. Force to forget about and accepting leaving me/arghh. tired!!!

5th : ready set go! Night shiftt 

Oh n yes. everytg tonight is such a turn off. really no mood to be happy. fk it.

Thx. for making me feel like shit. i nid to not focus much on it.

Small matter sya. move it!

Omarion / Timbaland – Ice Box (Boyce Avenue acoustic cover)

Fussin’ and fightin’, we back at it again
I know that, it’s my fault, but you don’t understand (no)
I got memories, this is crazy
You ain’t nothing like the girl I used to know
Good with ma, good with pa, cool with all my niggas
I should try, truth is I wanna let u in, but no
Damn these memories, and it’s crazy
You ain’t nothing like the girl I used to know

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I’m tired of fightin’
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I’m tryin’
It’s no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold

Why can’t I get it right, just can’t let it go
I opened up, she let me down, I won’t feel that no more
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain’t nothing like the girl I used to know
I don’t mean to take it out on you baby but I can’t help it
‘Cause my heart is in the same ol’ condition that baby left it
And I, I apologize, for makin’ you cry
Look me in my eye and promise you won’t do me the same

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, ’cause I’m tired of fightin’
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I’m tryin’
It’s no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold

I don’t wanna be stuck up in this cold cold world (’cause I don’t wanna be) [2x]
Don’t wanna mess this up better keep your eye on me girl [6x]

[Bridge]
Girl I really wanna work this out, cause I’m tired of fightin’
And I really hope you still want me the way I want you
I said I really wanna work this out, damn girl I’m tryin’
It’s no excuse, no excuse
But I got this

[Chorus 2x]
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (but I got this)
I got this icebox where my heart used to be (said I got this)
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold
I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold

Dear G, Hey, currently this is what i am feeling.

We met, we were happy and we argue. then it was all better but we end the day fighting again. i’m tired. And the worst thing i’ve ever did tonight was to walk off. We were at the bustop. we were at different location. Before that, the whole journey we were not talking. So, after much of rash thinking. I guess if you aren’t making any effort to speak then i’ll walk off. I’ll f__k off from ur life as well. So i text him goodby and walk off. Tmr we’ll be meeting anyway. and that’s the worst part.

I’d dun wanna lie to myself but i’ve no mood celebrating the eve of my bday.

Maybe i wasn’t happy to start offf with.

I tried saying things i’ve felt. And you get all defensive. It hurts me as much as my words hurt yours. But you know what? I don’t want anything at all.

If our lives has a button to click on history button and erase of the prev sites. I would. I really will do. All these troublesome and unnessesary feelings of pain i inflict myself with.  tsk. This is crazy. True story. If i cant run away..

then what else am i to do?

Sincerely,

Alzrythx.

Dear G,

Idon’twantthistoend.Butihavetoknowwhereistand. Can’texpectmorewhenthere’snohopeinthefirstplace.

Its 4am.Im going for doc medical apptment.at 11.35am

And i hadn’t slept a wink.stillthinking..andthinking. selfish of me. greedy of me. To expect more. To want more.  Only God knows. the path he has written for me. the journey i have to take. I’m like backpacking with a hand lack of hope.. disgusting filthy hands. of mine. I should have keep it close and hidden in my pocket. Not shaking with others.. to open up.

Sincerely,

Alzrythx.

the.misfit.that.i.am

exiting.