BloodymessofwhatI’vebecome.

Dear G.

Got admitted to hosp. Seems like Deja Vu. Been crying for a moment for he didn’t turn up till last min. He stayed for an hour and went off. And like the last time, I was left there alone. To face everything. To feel everything. To be strong.

I know how badly he want to be there for me, But to me it never was quite the same. If you knew you badly important the person truly is, you’d do anything. no matter what it takes. no matter how far it takes. no matter the situation :{

So. psycho-ing myself to grab hold of the strength of what is left of me and gather the high threshold of pain. i suffer silently. Like i did before, like i’ve always does.

I survived, for now. For how long, won’t know.

All i know, I have to put in effort to change and recover for the better. Not to boast it off but to acheive everything myself, standing on my own two feet. With or without support. I believe, i learnt that there’s no one to rely on but yourself. Thousand of people can promise you 1001 things to you .to boost your morale, to offer 1001 advice. But nothing will be done and acheivement can’t be measure..unless by your own self-satisfaction.

Sincerely,

Alzrythx.

 

Im lovin’ it

McDonalds announced it’s considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals.

You know they fatten them up and then kill them.

You know the same thing they do to their customers, isn’t it?

One Eye Shut

How can I put things into words? I feel as though everyone around robbed me of my security. These few days felt like they moved ever so slowly yet, i still can’t manage to catch up. I felt so out of touch with the world, and I have restricted myself of all the four walls of my black heart. Everything does not make sense anymore, and thus making me feel pointless to move on this way. This is so not like me, or maybe I just didn’t realise how pathetic, the way I live everyday. I’m lost in the seas of strangers, just finding a hand to grab onto.

To tell you the truth, I’m currently living with one eye shut. Not living for passion, but living for the sake of living. This is not my choice. this is not my life. This is not me. I am so much more than this. I could acheive so much better.

What is pulling me down?

so badly

I want to breathe you in

and exhale you out.

Savour the taste of the moment.

Escape from it all.

Embrace it.

I want you so badly.

Sherlock Holmes said:

My Mind Rebels At Stagnation.

Disconnected.

Life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.

at times we have to make decision even for the better or for the worse.

Had a new Charger. But unfortunately, the technical fault doesn’t lies with the charger but

with the battery. WTF. LOL.

Maybe have to reformat. GEEZ. ahaha. For now, there’s so many things choking up my mind.

And let me just spare you the dreadful details. To sum everything up:

I Missed Everything. Everyone.

i need to..

Hey, I’ve been feeling entirely down lately. I haven’t been feeling inspired

due to so many reasons. Ive been focusing on other people problems and feelings

that I have neglected my own. Anyways, I have recently search online for JOBS.

And, it really give me a sense of hope. Maybe, I’ll go for interviews n might get

rejected here and there..but hey! Everybody have to start somewhere.

I’m just a late bloomer, hahaha…

Mum have been pestering with questions such as further studies.

If money wasn’t an issue, i’ll go for it. Once I know what ‘It’ is.

And, what’s the deal about wanting me to become a Teacher?

I have no absolute interest in becoming one. I can’t teach.

And if I did, I would have pursue it long ago.

Looking at myself, the only criteria I fit is a Physical Education teacher.

Apart from searching for jobs, there’s other stuff I’m looking out for.

It might not be important to me but I want to help out.

It have been causing a headache. Deep down inside,I know I can’t help much.

There’s always a limit to everything.

And I have to learn to draw the line.

Time don’t wait for you.

Just had a long conversation with dad. It purely consists of me listening and him talking. The usual khutbah.

haha. He wanted to know what’s my decision or plan now since I’ve just GRADUATED. Yeah, u heard me right. Kiddo turn working-industry-slave overnight. Well, to simply cut things short. I hate my graduation day cause everything goes wrong. A day which supposedly be so life-enthralling, bursting with joy, happiness and proud beaming parents. BUT thats just bullshit.

I didn’t get to take pictures with mum n dad, he was upset n uptight about the loonnngggg ceremony.. the catering poor service, the fact that my mum is such a pain, comparing mine to my elder sis nostalgic time when she graduate.. gahhh..

I was covered in perspiration, rushing to get the scroll, to return the gown, finish up my food, return some stuffs to friends, crowded places, worrying about my parents waiting for me, had to turned down friends offer regarding the aftergrad party and finally got back home to sleep. Those high heels are killing me.

n dear, seeing you make me relieve of all pain n tiredness i feel. i wish you were there to watch me on the stage.

Anyway…. it’s true what dad said, “You have been wasting so much time. Remember that time don’t waits for you but you chase after it.”……….. bla bla bla…too long, i cant recall everything. n i dun wish to recall now.

Moral of the story: Better get a job soon. A.S.A.P.

—>get a job

–>Be independent

—>spend money

–>save money

–>support parents

–>Get licence

–>take up courses

k k. less talk. more actions.

shut your eyes.

I want to cry, for the sake of crying.

I want to shout, just for the kicks of it.

I want to laugh, to feel sane.

I want to run,runaway from where i am.

I want to sleep, away to rest.

I want to stare back, not looking away like i always do.

I want to disappear, away from everything.

I want to  fade away, just being invisible.

I want to melt, to be immersed in silent.

Not drowned in thoughts, not suffocate in feelings.

I want to be light, to be free. to float.

I want to know what other’s think, feel, fear and aspire to be.

We are not different after all.

We are just bunch of weary souls. lost in times.  goodnight people.

Sayonara people. But it’s still not over

Its coming a week after our Graduation Show Unit 10.

Thank God, Nobody cried. I’ll be the first person to feel awkward if that happen.

We still have to go back to get the final Diploma Certificate itself.  The Gowns. The testimonials.

The photo-taking. The buffet Spread. The Real Reward after 3 years of blood,sweat and tears.

Probably,  the day  my dad will look forward to. gahhhhh..

I am to the point where my gpa is not really important for me.

I find that the real meaning of acheiving is knowing who i truly am,

and the real passion that im gonna spent doing.

It is not over, it never have been. The battle has just begun.

The beginning of a new chapter in life, dreadful if it sucks.

Suwweeettttt ~ success if it is a smooth journey.

In the meantime… here’s movies i look forward to:

ToyStory3 | Whip It | The Runaways | The Diary of the Wimpy Kid | The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo | Kick Ass | ………